Light in the Darkness
“When darkness overtakes him, light will come bursting in…”
(Psalm 112:4, TLB)
God is light.
In our darkest hours, many of turn to Christ fo help, why?
We seek his light to help us during our difficult times.
his light, when we allow him to pierces through all darkness and brightens it all.
When we go through difficult times it is important to lean on one another for support. It is important that we do not find ourselves in darkness. It is important we do not let the trials and tribulations take over us. It’s easy for that to happen, easy to get lost within the darkness.
I know first hand.
Everyone goes through difficult times, even the dutiful and the faithful. We were forewarned that following his way will come with persecution and hardships. It’s during these difficult and dark times that we need to remember we are not alone. God will forevermore be with us.
When I was just 18, about to begin my life, about to start school, still innocent, still pure, though I was aware of my carnal surroundings and a bit open minded, in many ways I was still very naive and in the dark to worldly affairs. It was easy to get lured despite being forewarned. It was easy to spiral in to a dark abyss, it wasn’t because of my lack of faith, it was because of my lack of trust.
Despite growing up in a church where everyone was pretty much family some way shape or form (the pastors are my brothers godparents….which makes us all family), I had trust issues. I had trust issues in church (I rarely opened up about my personal life). I had trust issues at home (tell a relative what’s going on and the whole family knows, even relatives you haven’t seen since you were in diapers….typical Latin household eh). I had trust issues outside in the world. I had that stone cold Steve Austin philosophy D.T.A. (Don’t trust anybody).
My biggest regret that I can openly discuss today, because looking back I was foolish, is that I should’ve opened up and discussed my issues. I never told my pastoral leadership, whom could’ve counseled me, prayed with me (though I do not doubt for a split second that my pastor has ever ceased to pray for me), I never told my fellow peers in church, whom could’ve helped me via their fellowship, words and prayers before I began to spiral, I never told my parents whom could’ve held my hands during this painful time. I never told my best friend…that is until she confessed she had a similar issue (five years later).
When I sat in that exam room and was told nope sorry, your chances of starting a family is like picking a needle in a haystack, my whole life was turned upside down.
I wasn’t sexually actively.
I was aware of my sensuality And sexuality.
I wasn’t engaging in anything.
I was just starting life.
I was just beginning to “find myself”
I was already being told my future would be without any off springs.
I was dating someone at the time…. who I had no idea where we were headed.
We weren’t even intimate.
Sure we kissed.
We held hands.
We would see the sunset together.
We had a great time just being friends getting to know each other.
After my appointment I started pleading why God?
Instead of reaching out to loved ones and those who would genuinely be there for me, I turned to the arms of this older man I was dating and getting to know.
We drank, he smoked, while I inhaled his contact high.
We drank, we fornicated.
I drowned my worries.
He had no idea why I gave myself to him.
He had no idea I stopped caring.
He had no idea I was spiraling and internally in a very dark place.
I needed a burst of light in my life.
That burst came.
He sent me my husband who taught me to trust.
I then wanted To be a new.
I asked god for forgiveness.
I also had to forgive myself for my thinking and my behavior.
His light did burst through.
I received my blessings.
Now I talk about it.
You may notice ever so often I’ll continue to talk about it.
My past, my story, my pain, can be of help to someone else.
Maybe my mistake will be used to help someone else spiral down like i did.
It is easy to let the flesh win.
It’s a constant battle we have when facing trials.
Don’t let darkness overcome you.
Remember he is the light, the only light you need to illuminate your path.
It may be difficult.
You may need to surround yourself with different people.
You may need to open up to the right people.
You may need to refocus on your relationship with Christ.
If your in a dark spot, know your light will shed.
His light will pour upon you.
Just open up a bit.
Father God I thank you for your timing. I thank you for the people you’ve put in my life. I thank you for illuminating me in my tribulations. I am eternally thankful for you. You have shown me that you will always be with me, even when I feel alone. I ask that your light remain in me, with me and around me, so I may never end up in that dark place again. Amen