Category Archives: Life Happens

Marital advice … an open letter to my cousin

This is an open letter to my cousin whom is having a destination wedding.
I was unable to go due to timing. My sister just had a baby, as mentioned in prior posts she's a special needs. She is doing well, but I would've felt better being able to be there for her, with her during this new transition in her life.

Juny I don't say it often but I love you…. my first brother, my twin. For many years my other half. I want to congratulate you on your upcoming nuptials. May this day go smooth, may you and your bride be blessed beyond belief, may God our father anoint this union while you say your vows. I pray for your health, years of happiness, longevity, wisdom, strength, endurance, may your love and passion for one another always remain.

Mark 10:9: “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
I pray that you both weather the storm, for there will be good days and there will be bad days, but trust in God, keep faith in God, keep hope in God to ride out the storms to come. Both of you Remember always marriage isn't a one way street, two people, joined together to become one, it's a 50/50. There may be times one or the other have to meet at the half way point. Always stay united.

Ephesians 4:2-3: “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

Love one another with all your night, remind each other often day it, display it, always keep an open Chanel of communication.
Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her."
But tell your bride that I said to love you just the same, love your husband the way Christ loves his church.

Remember to always be supportive of one another. Be each other's rocks. Be each other's support system.
Ecclesiastes 4:12: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

As I mentioned before you will have storms (later vs sooner). Always love each other even in the storm. Always talk it out, never go to bed angry at one another, as I said earlier always communicate.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

Nothing breaks my heart more than not being able to go to witness this big day for you. Nothing breaks my heart more than not being with my family during this time. I will be there in spirit covering you with blessings. I will be fasting and praying for you and your wife. May god bless you always.
I love you June.

Father God I ask that you cover this union in prayers. May they heed the advices of marriages others provide. May they always put you first my lord, may they always love and honor one another. Lord I ask you to bless them, protect them, let the Holy Spirit manifest in them so that he can guide their every step. I rebuke negativity and Harm in the name of Jesus. May their union be of a blessing, of love and success in their celebrations. In the name of the father, the son and the Holy Spirit Amen.

Perfectly Made

Psalms 139:14
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Mankind were made in the image of God. We are the only things from all creation whom look like God and were made physically by his hands. We were made to perfection.
Fast forwarding to millions of years after creation, we have entered an era of superficial societal norms and derivatives.
Gone are the days where Gods perfection was seen as beautiful. We are living during the times where people seek their own acceptance, societies own depictions of perfection.
You see it all the time, everywhere you turn, someone is doing a lift here, a snip there, a nip over here, and a tuck over there. Celebrities have long been famous for doing some nip tuck work to aspire to societal perfection. Regular folks have jumped on that bandwagon too.
Gone are the days of accepting the beauty God created in you. This summer we’ve been seeing the memes of Chicago cubs Sammy Sosa…Mr. Home run himself, how different you look today.
Sammy Sosa began bleaching his skin not too long after his Home run stardom.  Though to quote him, he claims he was not intentionally bleaching his skin, but using an ointment that just so happen to lighten his skin.  The man has said that himself, whether one chooses to believe it or not, it’s on the individual.  I am not here to judge the choices of those whom chose to alter in anyway the way God has made you.  I want to talk about self love, self hate and so forth.
Sammy is not the only one whom has had alterations to their physical form.  There are several others whom have taken the pathway to lighten their skin. Sammy you were beautiful just how God made you, you really didn’t need to do this. If it wasn’t intentional, you really didn’t have to continue mi pana.
I remember a few summers back, my nephew was about 4, I was sitting outside soaking up the son, for those of you whom don’t know I am Puerto Rican- a very light skinned Rican. I am married to a fellow Island folk from the Island of Grenada. My husband and his family is Dark skinned.
My nephew, has my husbands complexion and pigmentation. So I am sitting outside soaking up the son, hoping that I can catch a tan. My nephew sits next to me and asks “auntie what are you doing?” I responded “I am trying to catch a tan.” He asks “why?” I responded “because I love your complexion and I am trying to get as dark as I can possibly get.” My nephew thought about that for a few minutes, went inside, grabbed a towel and laid down next me to soak in the son. I asked him “what are you dong?”. He responded: “I want to lay in the son so that I can have skin like yours, light.”
My heart broke, my jaw dropped and suddenly realized my error in my explanation.
I told him that it was ok to change what you look like without embracing our exterior beauty from our creator.
I should have instead told him I loved feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin, which is true, I love the summer, I love the heat, I love the way the sun feels on me and I do also love that I can tan.  I should’ve left that part out of my conversation.
I explained to him his skin was beautiful. There was no need to change his. My skin is also beautiful and there is no need to change mine.
The thing is, when we sit in the sun, the sun burns our skin, and darkens it. In my case, my fair skin, will turn olive or light brown, yours will only get darker, your skin will not get lighter. He assumed that if he tanned the sun would work for him the way it would work for me.
My children have a nice caramel complexion. I let them know all the time, they are beautiful, we are beautiful, our skin regardless of our shades (and between the 4 of us we have 4 different shades) are uniquely beautiful. We have to value and appreciate what God has given us.
Many celebs have had work done, the kind of work they have done include any variations of:
Breast Enhancement: Augmentation, Lift, Reduction. Facial Contouring: Rhinoplasty, Chin, or Cheek Enhancement. Facial Rejuvenation: Facelift, Eyelid Lift, Neck Lift, Brow Lift. Body Contouring: Tummy Tuck, Liposuction, Gynecomastia Treatment, butt lift, etc.
Why the need to change your outward appearances?
Are you not happy?
Now the Bible doesn’t necessarily speak out against plastic surgery per say, since back then no one was getting plastic surgery done.
The problem we are facing here is the lack of self love we have.
Another problem we have is the lack of love for others.
We have entered a period of selfishness, greed, superficial obsessions and have fallen back on the things that truly matter in life. We are living in days where our lives are journal-ed on Instagram and Facebook, of course we don’t want to post ugly pictures, we want to post us modeling, our good side, looking for the right lighting, the right angle, the right backdrop to display my story, the right focus, the perfect filter…. all the superficial to complete our online journal. Suddenly we are all photographers and super models.
I am not saying we should let ourselves go nor am I saying we shouldn’t be presentable. No the Bible speaks on the our presentation, and it also speaks on those obsessed with our outer beauty vs our inner beauty and pure of heart. We should accept the perfect us God has already created vs trying to create our own perfect version of ourselves.
Society, racism, discrimination plays a role as to why people alter their appearances. Social norms are superficial, social norms are materialistic, these “norms” are destroying lives, destroying self love, adding to racism, discrimination, bigotry and self hate. The skin you are in is beautiful. White is beautiful, brown is beautiful, yellow is beautiful, black is beautiful, olive is beautiful and every complexion in between is beautiful.
I will not lie, as mentioned before I do love a tan during the summer months, love the embrace of the suns rays on my skin. I don’t mind the heat. I was born in the mid of the summer (8/1). I love the summer. I also love my complexion I am somewhere between white and olive, but can get olive brown if I get enough rays. I usually doesn’t, but I can. I don’t obsess over the need to darken my skin. If I catch a tan Amen, I don’t Amen.
We were made perfect in the lords eyes. There’s no need to change anything of it.
Father God I thank you for making exactly as I am. I am your child, I am perfectly content with how you made me. I pray for this suffering from insecurities that are brought upon due to social constructs and social norms of today. I pray for those like Sammy Sosa, whom were not happy with their outer appearance, I hope and pray they are truly happy with their exterior changes from within. I hope we as a people do not upset you or have offended you with decisions we tend to make. I ask for forgiveness if I have dear lord. I pray for humanity so that our social norms no longer hinder others opinions about themselves, I pray that we all promote self love and love for one another. We can all agree to disagree on religion, politics, faith, preference etc, but may we all find love and peace in society to coexist. Amen.

Left to Chance

So I began to read a book which made me reassess my life and relationships.

Left to Chance
by Amy Sue Nathan

Before I start my review here is a synopsis from goodreads.com where I won this book in a giveaway.

The website synopsis:

From the author of The Good Neighborand The Glass Wives comes an enchanting story of returning home and discovering what truly matters after loss.

No one knows why Teddi Lerner left her hometown, but everyone knows why she’s back.

Twelve-year-old Shayna— talented, persistent, and adorable—persuaded "Aunt Tee" to return to Chance, Ohio, to photograph her father’s wedding. Even though it's been six years since Shay's mother, Celia, died, Teddi can hardly bear the thought of her best friend's husband marrying someone else. But Teddi’s bond with Shay is stronger than the hurt.

Teddi knows it’s time to face the consequences of her hasty retreat from family, friends, and, her old flame, but when she looks through her viewfinder, nothing in her small town looks the same. That’s when she truly sees the hurt she's caused and—maybe—how to fix it.

After the man she once loved accuses Teddi of forgetting Celia, Teddi finally admits why she ran away, and the guilt she’s carried with her. As Teddi relinquishes the distance that kept her safe, she’ll discover surprising truths about the people she left behind, and herself. And she'll finally see what she overlooked all along.

I cried, I laughed and I truly enjoyed reading this book. I can relate to Teddi and why she ran away, why she stood away. Sometimes when we loose people we love, we close up ourselves, we isolate ourselves in our grief, thinking we cannot function with out our departed loved ones…. whether or not they passed away or decided to travel across the country for a new life.

I was able to channel the emotions Teddi under went. I was able to relate to her struggles, her fears, her anxieties and her being around people she has not been around in years. I connected to the character on a deeper personal level, having somewhat been there myself.

I enjoyed this book.
I cried with this book.
I laughed with this book.
I sighed with this book.
I was happy with this book.

Eloquently written, easy read, easy to follow.

I recommend everyone read this.

This book also allowed me to take a step back and reflect on my relationships.
I keep thinking about how much things have changed.
In general.
How much time has passed.
How much I've changed.
How much my friends have changed.
How I went back to being the person I once was, without the same people who were originally there when I was that person.
How different it all feels.
Then I thought if anything happened to my "best friends" I wouldn't ever know.
Their significant others wouldn't tell me because I have no friendship with them.
Not by choice, distance.
They wouldn't even know I existed to contact.

I face my struggles and my challenges alone.
How are my "best friends" dealing with there's?
Teddi' longed for her phone conversations with her deceased Celia, the way I long for talks my friends.
Teddis life was drastically changed when her friend left her life, as was mine when my friends left mine to a start a new elsewhere.

Social media allows for some sort of contact with your loved ones, but it is so impersonal. Nothing like a phone call, nothing like a hey text, nothing like one on one face to face interaction if possible.

We've all moved on with our lives. We all have new friends, some even have new best friends, new things that matter. I am not the same person you once knew, you are not the same person I remembered.

Life is about growth. Some people are meant to be with you at given points in your walk, and then they branch off.
Some people are meant to walk the distance with you and be by your side.
If you love someone's, do not abandon them regardless of the circumstance.

What a nice lesson and reflection from this amazing book. Everyone is mourning, everyone too needs help in their journey. I mourn losses daily. We all wonder about the what ifs.

This book comes out on November 2017. Pre order it. It's going to be a good read and a great way to self reflect your existing and past relationships.

Poem 

I remember the day I first laid eyes on you.I was captivated.

Stuck in you like glue.

Being with you is what I wanted, I was motivated.

When you spoke my name,

And asked for my number,

I knew things would never be the same.

That night I did not slumber.

I thought you were the one.

I saw a future with you.

The rest of the niggas, yes I was done.

My love for you was so true.
I saw light skinned babies.

Straight black hair.

I saw us together until we reach our eighties.

I saw light eyes.

Someone I could speak my native tongue with for all eternity.

Yet so many lies….

I loved you.

I really did.

To you I was true….

What was done could not be undid.

I am happy now without you.

No lies, 

no drama

no tears.

Don’t come looking for me, 

while I am happy and free.
My kids, my husband,

they are my world.

i will never abandon them,

not even for you.

Marital lessons

My husband and i were having a disagreement the other day. He began pressing my buttons. I was getting frustrated. I would come back day what I needed to say, educate him, and he would come back with a sarcastic remark. He does this from time to time to get a reaction out of me. He finds it funny. He knows I have a short fuse.
But I love my husband.
So this time around I decided I will not spazz out. I will be the bigger person. As much as he almost brought me to the point of wanting to give him some sweet chin music, and
put him in a sharp shooter. ( wrestling reference).
He continued.
So i decided to be quiet.
End the war of words. (No one was cussing, if that’s what your thinking).
The war of words is that battle to see who gets the last word in.
So I stay quiet.
Cross my arms in front of me.
I pouted. Yes I pouted like my two year old would.
As in pouting he keeps going, as he keeps going all I’m thinking, “i so want to give him the mandible claw. (Google mankind mandible claw WWE; Mick Foley mandible claw, mr socko wwe).
Again wrestling reference. ( let me explain I grew up watching wrestling).
As I’m enjoying the view of me presumptuously giving my husband whom I love dearly the mandible claw to shut him up, I hear my six year old giggling.
He found the whole thing amusing.
We all started laughing.
How ridiculous we must have looked.
We forgave one another as nothing ever happened.
Lesson:
Some things are not worth being mad about. Laughter is usually they medicine to offset anger. Sometimes what we are angry about are petty.
Sometimes the best solution really is to laugh it out.
We had our difference of opinions, we had our little Tiff, yet at the end of the whole 15 minutes of the whole situation, we spent 10 of them laughing.
God diffused the situation.
We both realized how foolish we were.
We went home.
We enjoyed our time as a family.
To be quiet honest, I don’t even remember what got us there. That shows me that subject was not even worthy, we had no reason to fuss, the mere fact that we both suddenly have a case of amnesia is merely reason enough for me to say, God it wasn’t worn it. It wasn’t even worth remembering. An insignificant moment disagreement, where the only thing we can remember is the laughing.
Love each other, live with one another in peace, Laugh more. Fight less.

​ Catcalling while with Children.

Catcalling while with Children.
I boycotted a Barber I used to take my son to get his hair cut because of catcalls by the other Barbers at the facility.
So I know the owner and have addressed my concerns with him.
I felt uncomfortable taking my son there.
I felt (and still feel uncomfortable) when I walk pass by.
Don’t get me wrong the owner of is amazing, nice and humble.
I can’t say the same for the other guys.
During the summer months a group of young men who hang out in front of the property.
They cat call any female, regardless of age.
They tried this with me while on my way to the barber to get his hair cut.
I entered, told the owner, he claimed he would talk to them, and I told him I would seek services elsewhere.
A few weeks later I witnessed them catcalling other females whom were passing by, again I was with my son walking home. They made lewd comments as women passed by, if a female would ignore them they would insult them. Call them derogatory names. So again, I reported it to the owner, again he claimed he would address them.
These employees went from cat calling women and girls to harassing city workers.
One evening, not too long after the Eric Garner situation, a Traffic agent was walking buy giving tickets to vehicles double parked. One of the individuals from the Barber had the vehicle double parked out side the establishment. When they saw that the Traffic Agent was writing up the ticket, They came out, yelled derogatory remarks, dis respected him, ripped up the ticket, and threatened him. They amp’ed up people whom were walking by whom also joined this parade of slander. I quickly reported the establishment to the Management of the Building, The precinct and the Owner.
I am all for the supporting the BLM, because black lives do matter, as a mother of two black boys, I fear for their future and hope that change can be made where their lives will be looked as valuable as one of a white person, or even an officer.
These men, are not activists, they were not stepping up to the agent in defense to any injustice.  They were illegally double parked, were upset, threw in some slurs, slang, and got those riled up as if that agent started.  I can honestly say that agent was doing his job.  This wasn’t about a movement it was about some idiot being just that, an idiot.
As of today 2 of the 4 troublemakers are no longer working there.
The 2 that remain continue to cat call.
the 2 that remain continue to be disrespectful.
I’ve confronted them when they try cat calling me.
I am a mother of two, a wife, a respectable woman, a church going woman, I do not condone disrespect in any fashion. whether it is disrespecting me, or another person.
In general, when confronted with Cat calling, sometimes I ignore it, sometimes I say something. Sometimes I remind them I am with child and this is not the attention I seek nor a behavior i condone my child to witness. when I am with my children I grill them.
When I am alone I say something and give my two cents.
People should just learn to respect others, look if you think someone is attractive, look, observe, keep your comments to yourself.  There is no need to make anyone uncomfortable.  I get it your have your right to free speech.  I have a right to file a sexual harassment complaint for making me feel uncomfortable, for being disrespectful.
Gone are the days of empathy, class and respect.
😦

WOKE.

Woke.
Revelation 3:2-3 ESV / 39 helpful votes Wake up, and strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your works complete in the sight of my God. Remember,
then, what you received and heard. Keep it, and repent. If you will not
wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what hour I
will come against you.
Stay woke.
Stay awake.
Be alert.
Woke.
We need to be woke.
Is this a new trendy word being use because of Netflix’s new mini series?
No, stay woke has been used for quite some time.
We need to open up our eyes, see what is going on, we need to all stay woke.
We as a people have been awake from some time.
Many have led efforts towards equality.
Many have led efforts to end discrimination.
Many have led peace efforts.
Many have led efforts to education others on cultural sensitivies.
Many have their eyes wide shut.
Many do not understand this concept of “Woke”, “staying Woke” living a life “woke.
To many this is all brand new.
The Oxford Dictionary Defines woke as:
adjective
US informal
Alert to injustice in society, especially racism.
‘we need to stay angry, and stay woke’
‘does being woke mean I have to agree with what all other woke folks say should be done about issues in the black community?’
‘the West Coast has the wokest dudes’
So to make this a bit more interesting, I went to Urban dictionary and pulled some of the many samples they have in the event anyone is interested in reading.
Woke
Being Woke means being aware.. Knowing whats going on in the community
(Relating to Racism and Social Injustice)
Person 1: Stop bringing racism into everything
Person 2 : Your clearly not woke
Woke
Although an incorrect tense of awake, a reference to how people should be aware in current affairs.
example:
“While you are obsessing with the Kardashians, there are millions of homeless in the world. STAY WOKE”
Woke
Getting woke is like being in the Matrix and taking the red pill. You
get a sudden understanding of what’s really going on and find out you
were wrong about much of what you understood to be truth.
woke
being aware of the social. and political environments regarding all demographics and socio-economic standings.
After seeing that someone is completely clueless to the latest political mess:
Me: I can’t believe she doesn’t know what’s going on, or why it’s a problem. She is so not woke.
Woke
Being awake and actually living. Not being a sleepwalker and going thru
life like a zombie. Actually chasing your dreams and living your life
how you want by being enlightened and awake to opportunity
We are living in times where things are getting worse by the day.
Racism and racial tensions are at an alltime high.
WE are living in times of fear.
The media mass produces fear.
We are also living in times where people are tired of nothing getting done.
Nothing solving the problems.
No realistic solutions to re-stabilize the nation.
Loss of hope for real equality for all regardless of race, skin, heritage etc.
Now to my passage in Romans. The same way I am asking all to be civicially woke.
We need to be spiritually “woke”.
We need to open our eyes, education ourselves, spiritually arm oneselves and be “woke”.
We need to be ready.
Armour’s up.
Knowledge up.
Filled with Faith.
Believing.
We need to be spiritually woke.
#racism
#injustice
#black lives matter
#woke
#stay woke
#been woke
#microaggression
#99%
Father God, we are living in some very trying times. Political Correctness is at an all time high and an all time low. There is no respect for authority, no respect for humanity, people are numb to the going so f the world. Many are accepting things that are not approved by you. I myself have fallen victim of being numb, accepting things I ought not accept. I ask for forgiveness. I ask for mercy. I ask that this numb feeling go away. Dear Lord I pray that the world and the going so f the world improves. I pray that we are not only socially, culturally woke, but spiritually woke as well.
Amen.

Drip, drop, Mta Flops

Drip, drop

Drip, drip, drop.

Inhale slowly.

Exhale slowly.

Focus.

Meditate.

Hot air in.

Drip.

Drip.

Drop.

Hot air out.

Drip.

Drip.

Drop.

Do you hear it?

Caching!

Caching!

Making money off our sweat.

Transporting us in a portable sauna.

How dare you demand more money from us!

How dare you demand and provide less service.

These conditions are deplorable.

At least today I have a seat.

Splish.

Splash.

Slosh.

No more dripping now we are splashing.

Drip

Drop

Splish

Splash.

Stand clear.

Doors opening.

Heat wave entering.

Heat wave exiting.

Could barely breathe.

Slow controlled breaths.

I can make it.

Splish.

Splash

Swish.

Drip.

Drip.

Drop.

Fix these conditions.

What a huge flop.

Please fix these conditions.

Before I drop.

Tourist Dance

As a native New Yorker I am used to the crowds, used to the sites, used to the visitors.  What I could never get used to is the sudden stops, the not paying attention, the collisions that almost happen.  We operate here on a whole other time schedule than the rest of the world it seems.  New Yorkers we are always on the go. So to help prevent the collisions with the tourists whom are not paying attention to their surroundings in awe and mesmerized by our beautiful city, we have a dance just for you.

Tourist Dance
The city that never sleeps.

Oh how I love thee.

The thought of leaving you makes me weep.

Your gentle and embracing vibes.

There’s so much to do here and so much to see.

From all over the word many come with their tribes.
Our streets are packed,

People everywhere.

And when they are here we are sure to act.

They are here and they are there.

Lord there’s people everywhere.
Us natives have this special dance.

So that walking we do not clash.

As soon as we see it within that first glance.

We get it started in a flash.

We zig,

We zag,

We do a little jig.

We zag,

We zig,

We do a so with some swag.
We dab left.

Sharp right.

We do it with so much zest.

We dab right.

We swing left.

We avoid you with all our might.
Our dance for you is one of a kind.

Our dance for your well being.

It’s because dear tourist you quickly become so blind.

You get absorbed in the sights you are no longer seeing.
We have families to get to.

We can’t wait on you.

The fast paced lives is our thing.

It is ingrained within

We have places to be,

People to see.

A bus, train, ferry or cab to catch.

We can’t sit back while you light a match.

We can’t sit back while your taking a glance.

It’s for you we have this dance.

So when we have to get to where we have to go,

In our fast past walks,

You do not get hot with a blow,

For your sudden stops.

Pulse

Dedicated to those whom were taken too soon at Pulse and to the survivors whom were fortunate enough make it out alive.
PULSE.
Thud, Thump, thud.
My hearts song live.
Thud, thump, Thud.
My heart finds its beat.
Thud, thump, thud.
Love is all I have to give.
Thud, Thump, Thud.
The rhythm which pulsates through me is so sweet.
Thud, Thump, thud, bang.
A year ago today, many lives were taken.
Thud, Thump, bang, bang.
A year ago today, many fears were awaken.
Thud, Thump, bang, bang.
A year ago today many lives where shaken.
smash, crash, thud thump.
A year ago today, many hearts were broken.
Today survivors replay that horrible night.
Knowing full well that what was done was not right.
Lives destroyed.
Families in pain.
Many keep busy, they just want to avoid.
The memories of the stains.
Regardless of one’s belief.
Difference of opinions should not make it right.
To take someone Else’s life.
Purple, Pink, Orange, yellow, Green Blue.
Because of the Pride in their flag.
It is not up to you.
Purple, Pink, Orange, yellow, Green Blue.
To them, they are more true than you.
They are open and honest of whom they are.
accepted or not, they are people too.
Sine bright, shed love, shed peace for all.
Families of Pulse, my heart and prayers goes out to all of you.
RIP.